Last night I finally got to watch my recorded episode of Scandal. I had been traveling for the past two weeks and missed the one and only show I watch faithfully.
My son and I took a road trip to Kentucky where we spent Thanksgiving with family, and I got to see someone that I’m extremely close to and someone who knows me better than probably anyone. He gets me and loves me anyway. Felt good to get away for a while and even better to get my son around a man who loves him and can provide him guidance if he’ll receive it.
We made it back to Memphis, after a quick stop in Nashville to visit my dad and my aunt then a stop in Jackson to visit my grandmother and mother in Jackson, about midnight. I unpacked and packed again to be ready to head to the airport in just five hours. After a quick nap, my cousin dropped me off for my flight to Orlando for a speaking conference. As we landed, I had an overwhelmingly low feeling. I sat on the plane crying as the passengers ahead of me took way too long getting off. I found the line for the hotel shuttle then had to sit in the front seat with the overly friendly driver who wanted to talk. Normally, I welcome that, but this time in this moment I couldn’t stop crying. All I could give him was a nod or a fake smile.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I felt that my trip to Orlando was a part of my mission that God has me on. And once I complete this mission I can rest…I mean go to sleep. I mean go. You know what I mean?
I felt like I was full of something that I had to/have to get out, and once it’s out. I’m done. Just have to complete this mission first. So let me hurry up. (Out of my slump, I do know I’ll be refilled over and over again long before I get completely empty).
While at the conference, I got the news that I guess my spirit already knew was coming. I had stopped crying days before and by then, I no longer felt anything. Numb.
I made it back to Memphis about midnight a few days later. Unpacked and packed again to head to Boston only five hours later. This was a girl’s trip my dear friend wanted to take. She had been going through some things too and just needed to get away. We had a great time…talked, laughed, cried…well, she did…explored, got lost, rested and more.
I had been dropped a bombshell, but as I always do…I put on my strong face and strong voice and mentally began to devise a plan to deal with the situation. Olivia Pope to the rescue.
So last night as I watched Scandal, when Mellie Grant said, “numb and fine are the same, right?” I got it. Boy did I get it.
In the meantime, I’m thankful for the beautiful challenges in my life that give me tremendous and unbelievable perspective so that I can see how to help others through their crises.
The numbness always wears off. And you will eventually be fine.